In my professional experience as a primary teacher and teacher educator, I would often hear from parents statements like My daughter has stopped talking to me; She appears lethargic and lazy; Can you please talk to my son? I cannot do this myself. At this point, I would wonder of the events which could lead to this extreme when the unifying connection between the parents and the child was broken? What leads to this feeling of powerlessness over one’s own children at such a young age? At what stage did the rift start to take shape? Did the parents make an effort to establish a bond between them and their child? What efforts do they make to establish this connection and sustain it? And are the parents in general aware of this very necessary emotional connection between them and their child?

In this context some glimpses from my professional life are etched in my mind.

• It is the first day of a child at his Nursery school. She feels thirsty and goes to get her water bottle to find it absolutely empty.
• Repeatedly a child comes to school with milk marks on his upper lip. I make him wash his face in school till such time that parents are informed about it.
• A child has come to school with money. When asked what s(he) intends to do with this money the answer is that s(he) needs to buy few things on his way home. When contacted, the mother appears clueless about any details of this action.
• As I observe children during snack time in their classes I see a big majority with packet snacks like biscuits and chips.
• Daily there is a long line of students at school canteen which also includes very young children.
• A four year old girl shouts and screams when she parts with her mother in the morning. She is perpetually the last one to be picked up at home time.
• Coming to school I regularly notice a car break the signal light. The child is from the school I work in. When contacted the mother tells me that that was the reason why she sends the maid with the driver.
• At home time the child instantly approaches her mother on spotting her. The mother stops her at a distance as she appears very engrossed in talking to someone on her phone.

Observations like these add to my unease about the casual behaviour of young couples in their role as parents and in their relationships with their children. Mothers and fathers appear ill-equipped to balance work and family life; and socializing and time for the child. They are also uncertain and unaware of their young child’s needs. It is ironic that while literature grows on this issue, the question on why children aren’t given priority continues to remain unanswered.

My article does not intend to raise guilt amongst parents and primary caretakers. It is mainly for the purpose of asking and exploring a basic question: What are the fundamental needs of young children? And then taking it further to: How is it possible to meet these needs?

Secure attachment, by which I mean the close ties formed with the mother or the constant caregiver, in the very early years is perceived to be a fundamental need of young children. My own continuing interest in the theme of attachment and attachment related investigation enables me to support theories which propose that children come into the world physically pre-programmed to form attachments with others, because this will help them survive. So what is the exact basis of secured attachment in the early years of infanthood? Engaging in eye contact, touching, cuddling and carrying the baby, smiling, talking – extended conversations, attentiveness to the child, taking the child’s leads and doing all this again and again and again. Personal and intimate behavior of parents is needed by young children to develop attachment. To what degree is this responsiveness found in homes is a question which a parent needs to ask if they are conscious of fulfilling their child’s needs.