Infants cannot say how they feel; one can only imply a baby’s emotions from his or her reactions and expressions. A new set of emotions and tendencies mark each new stage in a child’s physical growth. Parents often complain, for instance, that as children grow, they become ‘more difficult’. At 6 weeks, there is an increase in the level of crying, at 9 months children start to cling and moan. At 18 months, they start to throw tantrums and at 6 years, they bicker with their siblings all of which shows how emotions and their expressions evolve. There are no simple formulae to ensure that you get parenting ‘right’, but it can help parents to know the main emotional milestones and issues of concern during their child’s early years.

This article attempts to highlight some of the basic periods of emotional growth that a child goes through in the first few years, and also addresses some core issues that parents face with their children due to these changes. These are the changes you can expect to see in your children as they progress.

Child Age: 0 to 9 Months
EMOTIONAL EVOLUTION: It is right from the start that babies begin to eagerly explore the world around them. They spend a lot of time getting to know their own bodies, for e.g. they observe their own hands and also suck their own fingers. Children also enjoy being cuddled and form a strong emotional attachment with their mothers. All of this indicates strong emotional development right from the start.

Child Age: 9 to 18 Months
EMOTIONAL EVOLUTION: The child has formed a central emotional attachment to the caregivers and is dependent on them. The curiosity and urge to explore increases immensely during this age and the children try to figure out what they can do by themselves. Parents can help their children a great deal in this stage by anticipating their needs, such as the need for more attention, more activities, more room to explore etc.

Child Age: 18 Months to 2 Years
EMOTIONAL EVOLUTION: Children begin to develop a high sense of self-importance, and want to make their own choices and challenge the caregiver’s wishes. Children usually have to be taught the concept of sharing as they are emotionally not ready to share at this stage. The best way to introduce the idea of sharing is that it carries a great moral value (something they may not be able to readily comprehend but still have to be made aware of). It is also at this point in time that children begin to imitate their adults, so it is best to practice the behavior that you want your child to display.

Child Age: 2 to 3 Years
EMOTIONAL EVOLUTION: Children during this stage begin to enjoy being with people and play simple pretend games with other children and themselves. They use language to express wishes and feelings, and show the beginning of a sense of humor. They explore everything, show a stronger sense of self and expand their range of self-help skills. They also begin self-evaluation and develop notions of themselves as good, bad, attractive, etc. and show awareness of their own feelings and those of others, and talk about feelings.

Child Age: 3 to 5 Years
EMOTIONAL EVOLUTION: The child is now more aware of how s/he should act around other children. However preschoolers are very self-centered. To themselves, the world revolves only around them, even though they are starting to talk and see the outside world through their friends and playmates. Children at this age also start to have very active imaginations, which lead to new fears such as fear of the dark or closed spaces etc. It’s best for parents to talk about these fears and accompany their children whenever required rather than scold them for having such insecurities. Children begin to understand how emotions work. They know that facial expressions ‘match’ certain emotions, and that their emotions can be used to manipulate others. This understanding of their own feelings and the experience of other people’s emotions and actions gives children the capacity to feel social emotions such as guilt, concern, responsibility, jealousy, hostility, in addition to feeling miserable, resentful and horrified.

Child Age: 7 to 5 Years
EMOTIONAL EVOLUTION: At this age, children are more aware of themselves as individuals. They show fair understanding of moral reasoning (exploring ideas about fairness and good or bad behavior). They can also empathize with others' feelings. Children usually begin to attend school during these years which is why it is important that parents realize there may be some separation anxiety and some nervousness in joining a totally new environment with strangers. Parents, realizing this, should look for ways to comfort the child when s/he is at home and make an effort to stay involved in all school work and activities. This is one of the best times that parents can begin to read to their children and assist them in understanding the value of morals, compassion and being helpful.

The following are some of the emotional upheavals that all toddlers face, and which all parents must be equipped to handle:

TANTRUMS
Tantrums almost always occur when your child is with you or another major caregiver, rarely when you are not there. A way to seek more attention, tantrums mostly occur at home, usually when you are trying to do something from which your child is excluded. Children also have them when they are ill, tired or frustrated. Tantrums have definite phases. Before the crying or screaming starts, children seem to be ‘spoiling for a fight’ and are easily frustrated. Once the tantrum is under way, the early part is invariably intense. Your child will shout, scream and kick. This phase may be followed, particularly in the case of older children, by a quieter phase when s/he is sad or sobbing. All tantrums are, nevertheless, about relationships; love, attachment, security, and anger.

There are no easy ways to deal with your child’s tantrums, but it’s been found that hugging, cuddling or distracting your child with a new game or activity can help to curb a tantrum’s duration. Once the tantrum is underway, it can also be curbed by walking out of the room and leaving him/her to it. Tantrums do not occur in a vacuum, they occur within a relationship. So if you are not there to witness it, your child will stop. Also, talking to her/him about the cause of the tantrum seems to reduce their frequency, especially in older children. Giving in to the child’s wishes or hitting him/her are the least efficient of all these measures and should be avoided since they increase the frequency and duration of tantrums.

COMPETITIVENESS AND PRAISE
As babies become toddlers and preschoolers, they become more and more cooperative and helpful. This is partly because they copy you and others who are helpful towards them, and also because they enjoy being helpful. Problems arise because our society values competition, so children are praised for winning. By the time they are in junior school, competitiveness has taken over some of children’s natural helpful tendencies. Seven year-olds are less cooperative than they were before they started school and find it quite hard to work together. This competition can lead to fights and emotional upsets.

To tone down the competition and reduce the frequency of fights, parents should encourage cooperation by setting an example. Children will only learn to be cooperative if they see their parents cooperate and work together. Parents hence need to create a ‘WE’ environment, and encourage the child to help them and each other not as a favor but as a matter of course.

BICKERING AND EMOTIONAL UPSETS
Children, especially siblings, quarrel because they know each other so well. Children who have lived all their lives with another knows exactly how to get you on their side in any argument, and how to put their siblings in a bad light. To handle bickering, encourage children to talk and listen by showing them how to express anger to each other. More importantly, try to avoid labeling your child as the aggressor.

SIBLING RIVALRY
A child’s jealousy of a new baby is inevitable. To deal with it, do not dismiss negative feelings about a sibling. Let the child know that you love her/him differently from the baby. Find times to put your child first. Listen to your elder children when they talk to you. Even when physically dealing with the baby, do not shut your elder children out. If you say ‘just a minute’, make sure that you do come back to her/him after the minute is over. Aggression arises from frustration and jealousy, so find ways for your children to vent their feelings. Do not tell your child how nice it will be once the baby is big enough to play with her/him; young children cannot think that far ahead into the future.

MAKING FRIENDS
From babyhood, children have distinct kinds of behavior towards parents and other children. By your child’s third year, you are there to talk to and provide security that the child’s peers are her/his partners. Opportunities for playing with other children are important for social development. These days, most preschool children only make friends if you make the opportunities for them to do so. While other children practice their social skills, your child will lag behind if you do not make an effort now, and you may hamper her/his ability to settle into school quickly.

How well your children weather each transition depends partly on their underlying temperament and partly on the relationship with their main caregivers. An easy child may sail through despite indifferent caring, while a difficult, temperamental child needs sensitive parenting to see her/him through. The significance of emotional development is seen in every area of a child's life. Children will have a strong foundation for later development if they can manage personal feelings, understand others' feelings and needs, and interact positively with others. For this reason, one of the greatest gifts you can give your children is an understanding and appreciation of their strengths and needs all of which will form a strong sense of identity and self-awareness leading to inner strength and confidence.